In expected news today, the consortium of global governments (CGG) declared that all citizens who want to hide behind the banner of protecting the citizenry through the freedom of information must register their intent to act as journalists.
The declaration, part of the secret law passed overnight, nicknamed "Assange is no Toto," officially named Bill # 45WU89c, protects the rights of large news organisations from being one-upped by teenagers running newsbots in their neighbourhood clubhouses located in parents' unleased attic flats.
All unregistered journalists are subject to search and seizure (but not allowing the sympathy-inducing pharmacologically-triggered seizure in public trick during arrest) at any time and place.
Bloggers and tweeters were arrested by the millions this morning as a clear indication that the CGG is serious this time.
Those arrested included unemployed actors, factory workers, middle management, CEOs, and government leaders.
The government leaders who were arrested have cried foul, claiming that their blogging/tweeting subordinates acted on their own accord without first consulting the leaders about both the false and true "leaks" that were sent out from time to time to discredit political rivals and foreign governments.
The arrested middle managers and CEOs released statements detailing the email/text "paper trail" showing that they were simply following orders and should not be punished for doing what they thought was their duty to their stockholders, including subtle damaging comments about their competitors in online forums.
At a noon press conference, the CGG spokesperson said that those arrested will be given the opportunity to seek retraining in place of imprisonment. After questioning, the spokesperson clarified that the retraining will not include deleterious torture methods but may include watching films starring Kathy Griffin and Richard Chamberlain, bringing into question the exact definition of "torture."
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