Wednesday, December 15, 2010

Conspiracists in an uproar!

In more news "leaked" for your contemplative pleasure, the world governments admitted they have been tracking all their citizens for years now, using both external GPS tracking devices (including GPS units for cars, running, biking, mobile phones, etc.) and organic GPS units using plasma antennas implanted in citizens while they were sleeping.

Antigovernment activists tore down all the mobile phone towers today and tomorrow they plan to launch private rockets to take down all satellites orbiting Earth.

The crew of the ISS was put on 24-hour alert.

Thank goodness, the robots on Mars, satellites circling other planets and platforms exploring the solar system (but actually parked in space for this very scenario) are unreachable by average citizens, organized or not.

Scientists are trying to determine if the hidden government that runs our species (a subordinate subcommittee secretly commissioned but not authorised by the Committee of 7.5) can still operate a group of seven billion people without knowing their precise whereabouts.

Meanwhile, sales of anti-GPS signal suits have put the Kinect, Black Ops and other personal consumables into the low sales category by comparison.

Our network of amateur journalists on the scene will bring more exciting news to you as it happens.

Now you know why there is a group opposed to circumcision at birth - they know it is a cover to implant tracking devices that also detect when males are attempting to illegally reproduce (apparently, a variation in the GPS signal can show whether condoms are being used or a vasectomy was performed in the past; sorry, eunuchs, you're being tracked, too).

Our governments will not rest until all members of our species are under safe control for their secure future.

We'll let you know when more documents reveal where your taxes are being spent to aid in your pursuit of happiness!

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