What Would Ponce de Leon Do?

"Carlos, Senor Sanchez is here to see you."

"Send him in."

"Mr. Slim! Thank you for seeing me on such short notice."

"No problemo. What can I do for you?"

"I would like a job."

"Did Fidel not find a place for you in his organisation?"

"No. He said it would look bad, hiring a Cuban-American after letting go so many of his own people."

"In that case, what would you like to do?"

"I would like to be el presidente."

"Rick, I do not think that is possible. I have difficulties enough managing to get my Mexican friends elected. I don't think I can get you the U.S. presidency. At least not in the next election."

"Would you buy CNN and Comedy Central and make me presidente of the combined companies?"

"Hmm...you are smarter than I thought. This might work... A powerful juggernaut to compete with the Murdoch empire."

"I already have a slogan: 'Truth or Dare.'"

"I believe that has already been used. Perhaps 'We Dare To Tell The Whole Truth - Honesty and Humour With Honour.'"

"That is perfect, your excellency."

"Just call me Mr. Slim."

"Yes, Mr. Slim!"

"Consider it done. Ted owes me a favour and this is the sort of deal I was looking for. What do you plan to do first in your big office I will have built for a fellow Hispanic?"

"I will fire Jon Stewart and replace him with..."

"Catherine Zeta-Jones?"

"No. How about that locker room reporter who was in the news recently?"

"Erin Andrews?"

"No. The other one."

"Ah yes, I know who you are talking about. The one who generated news about herself in blatant self-promotion. I like the way you are thinking, very much so."

"We will further polarise the American people!"

"Only if you can increase viewership, of course."

"Of course!"

"Let's get back together in a few days and work out the details of how you will work for me. I sense you will be the catalyst I have been looking for that fires up and unites the Hispanic people in the Western Hemisphere."

"As you command. We will see who has the last laugh now!"

"Soon, yes. But keep quiet about this for now. I have many smaller deals to close to make sure the CNN/CC acquisition goes exactly the way I want it to."

"'Si, Senor.'"

"'Mr. Slim.'"

"Yes, Mr. Slim. I was just joking, sir."

"Very good. You will need a strong sense of humour to be presidente. Some days will seem like a cruel joke but you can't take what you hear personally. You understand?"

"Of course. You don't think what you heard about me in the news was real, do you?"

"No, but they do. And in the end, it is them who pay our bills. The viewers, the advertisers, the bloggers, the tweeters...all the people we will get to watch and talk about you and the new network."

"We will be the voice of the downtrodden, the dispossessed, the unemployed, the forgotten, the untouchables, the migrants and immigrants of the world who are looked at with disgust!"

"Find a funny way to say that and you have a great tagline for your personal show, From The Desk Of El Presidente."

"Today, the network. Tomorrow, the world!"

"That's good. I may want that one for myself."