Famed botnet not stealing your secrets or credit card numbers!
Authorities planned to tie the recent bust of an international botnet ring to a global organised crime unit, claiming the ring leaders were stealing government secrets, private IDs, and bank/credit card account information.
However, upon further research of the data secretly stolen from the botnets, analysts have revealed that the botnets are in fact inserting people's lives into the lives of others - falsifying backgrounds in private company personnel files, putting people's faces in other people's holiday photos, creating completely cross-referenced wikipedia entries with corresponding websites and news wire stories...essentially rewriting the Internet, codenamed Operation "John Malkovich in 'Being Tom Hanks'".
Breaking down the details of the illegal operation was going to be the success story of the government announced just prior to upcoming elections that pundits have predicted will sweep out the old and bring in the new.
Government consultants and PAC contributors secretly hoped the operation breakup would put a halt to the country's conservative reaction to bank lenders' predatory lending practices in response to newly rich stockholders looking for a sure bet that caused the collapse of the global economy and an increase in volatile investment trends like making cow patties more precious than gold.
A cow farting next to a lantern in a barn full of kerosene and dry hay couldn't have caused a more bitter tasting sweet mint in the mouth of a gifted sawhorse.
Now that the truth has been discovered, analysts are pouring over the wikileaks website to determine how much the wikileaks creators have themselves been duped by a group of teenagers determined to turn the e-world into a parody of itself by putting into the hands of "insiders" documents that were forged at the beginning.
NEWS FLASH! Whole floors of rooms of people being hypnotised to believe the documentation, including photographs and videos, that shows them performing acts in which they never participated! Debutantes caught shopping at discount stores! Queen Elizabeth funneling beer at a punk biker bar!
In archaeology news, scientists have released a report claiming that sacrificial wells in Central America contain the remains of alien creatures. Speculation and rumours say that the aliens may have been trying to hide from tribes wanting to turn the aliens into gods while they were merely picnicking on Earth before continuing their weekend tour of this spiral arm of the galaxy, their prescient spaceships taking off on autopilot and leaving the aliens behind.
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